I was born April 15th, 1988 in Virginia Beach, VA. My family loved me, provided everything I needed, and I was in great health. As I began to grow up, I realized that I did not like life very much. School was very tough for me in the social sense. There was no place for me in the world and I wasn’t like these people. This kind of mental state put me in constant tension with everything around me. I found myself getting into trouble continuously during my early childhood years. After years of acting out and getting in trouble in school, my disobedient behavior began to escalate.
Rebellion against the system started to look like using substances. I stole my dad’s tobacco and began using it when I was 10 years old. Also, I would take sips of alcoholic beverages when adults weren’t looking. No one peer-pressured me into it, I sought to change the way I felt through the excitement of doing something forbidden. At 11 years old, I decided to take it one step further and bought some marijuana from an older kid’s brother. I smoked it, by myself, with a pipe someone showed me how to make. Again, this wasn’t about being social, it was about changing the way I felt.
Eventually, it did turn into something social because I started bonding with other kids through smoking pot. Alcohol was still in the picture, but it was not preferred. Alcohol was more of a tool to use when it came to hooking up with girls. Females were also something I used to change the way I feel. I didn’t realize I couldn’t have a healthy relationship because I was, in fact, internally sick. The sickness progressed, and it turned into harder drugs. Cocaine, Ecstasy, and many other drugs entered my life during high school. Then came the needle.
I was 18 when I went from injecting Heroin in the back of a car to waking up in a hospital room with no idea how I got there. One would think that an event like this would be powerful enough to get someone to stop. I was high the next day. Similar events continued to take place. I began to steal and hurt people on a regular basis. I was in and out of treatment, unemployable, unstable, and unwelcome by most people in my life. My parents finally cut me off after tens of thousands of dollars and multiple vehicles. I stayed homeless, shooting Meth for the last year of my addiction. Finally, through all the misery and suffering in the world, I decided I was going to take every suggestion possible by those in recovery. I was willing to go to Any Length.
God began to open doors and life started to get better. I spent my first period of true recovery living in Any Length sober living. Being in a structured environment with genuine accountability provided the guidance I needed to work a legitimate program. The twelve steps began to transform me and produce an entire psychic change. I began to bring God into all my affairs, not just my drug and alcohol problem. Was I showing up as God would have me as a son, brother, friend, employee, boyfriend, or any other role I had in this life? God had to be everything from when I woke up until I went to sleep at night. However, God, is not about not making mistakes or never falling short. God is about moving forward and making things right when I have strayed from the spiritual path. Living every moment to seek what God would have me be and trying my best to achieve that ideal is real recovery. I was a very real and active drug addict for a decade and a half. Only, very real recovery, was going to set me free.