“Do you feel Lucky, Punk”? (or) Do you feel Blessed?
We’re all familiar with the first quote from the Clint Eastwood movie, but what about that second question? Do I feel Blessed? What the heck does that mean – I don’t go to church. If you feel – either Lucky – or – Unlucky, most likely you subscribe to the theory that we come from nothing; life is just a series of random and coincidental meaningless happenings with a resultant return to the oblivion from whence we came. However, if one feels – Blessed – most likely – that person Believes they are connected to a Power that defies description or total understanding -but is felt and real to those that believe nonetheless.
Looking back, far back even into childhood – I realize that I was Selfish – and Self-centered -Long before I ever started drinking. And I started drinking about the age of 13. So, the Root of my troubles was well established into my character from the formation of my ego-identity through adolescence and continued well into adulthood. (I say – adulthood – but I Never ‘Grew up’ until I entered RECOVERY at the age of 39). I didn’t know a damn thing about “Recovery” until I became immersed in its world. All I knew how to do was drink drink drug drug and ‘party on Garth’! Speaking of things being ‘damned’ – I didn’t care about you, my family, life in general or myself.
Interestingly enough, one day my Significant Mother (yes, my Mommy) was watching Dr. Phil on TV. This typical episode showed Dr. Phil helping his latest addict/alcoholic off to a rehab in the hills of Central Texas And my mom thought that would be a lovely place to send me. Now, she and I had agreed that it was time for me to go get help at any rehab that would take me – I was definitely willing – no kicking or screaming from me – just several shots of vodka on the way there to ease the decision. But I was so arrogant that I told her – (that) I didn’t want to go to any stupid rehab she had seen on stupid Dr. Phil etc. I was gonna do some research and pick out my own rehab. That delusional idea lasted two minutes and I agreed to go to La Hacienda (treatment center) the next day. No insurance and my brother and mom kicked in over $25,000 to get me clean and sober. How could I ever pay that back? Well, when I asked them during my step 9, they both just said, “keep doing what you’re doing – and that’s enough”.
Blessed with a loving and caring family, I entered the world of Recovery with that one month vacay to the Hill Country (of Texas). Well, it Saved my life. The knowledge I gained from that program along with working the 12 Steps in Recovery afforded me a new life, a new freedom and vision to meet the world on its terms. What Recovery really afforded me was being reconnected with the Power that created me.
Are you familiar with – have you ever seen – Goldfish – swimming around in a little aquarium ? Well, what’s keeping those little [sic] fishes alive? Water – yes , food, yes, But a key factor is the oxygen in that water that sustains our little friends. And how is the oxygen created – well – it’s produced by the pump and filter located somewhere in the water. Go with me – The Pump gets its Power – because it is Connected – To A Power – (greater than itself) (electricity) that Sustains the life of those animals. If you yank the cord out of the socket – our little friends – cut off from that power – will die.
My question to you is – How Were You Living (out there – Disconnected from That Power) ? That’s right. If you are (were) an addict / alcoholic like myself – you were Not living – Disconnected from (A) power – We were just – Existing . Day in – day out . Repeating that Vicious cycle. Recovery affords all those that enter – the opportunity to get Reconnected to the Power that created them.
One more example may be that : (prior to Recovery)
My Thinker (my brain – my way of thinking) is Broken – I need to take it somewhere to get fixed –‘cause I can’t fix it on my own. And if you had a car that was broken – and you needed to take it somewhere to get fixed and let’s say money was no object – Where might you take it? To the shop – or the mechanic?
Yes, but what if they couldn’t fix your broken down car either? Well? What then?
Well, Eventually, You might take that broken down thing back to the Dealership –
Yes – Back to the One(s) That have its Original Plans and Designs – You see – My Thinker was Broken –
I had to take It -back to the One that had its Original Plan and Design. It wasn’t by Luck – that I returned
to that Power – I was called back.
Recovery -is about Transformation -Resurrection .
All of those who come upon (recovery) had let some type of life –perhaps just a meaningless existence –
followed by a Spiritual Death -and
Then become transformed into something greater, miraculous able to Rise Again.
Do I feel Lucky ? No, don’t believe in it. Not a gambler. Today I don’t gamble with toxicity and my life.
Today I’m blessed. Reborn. Grateful. Alive!